Journey down Memory Lane

I'm generally not the type of person to wax poetic about days gone by. Nor do I go through old letters,pictures,or other nick knacks from the past. But with all of the chaos that has been surrounding me the last few months, my mind seems to be trying to reach out. Telling me to look to the past,maybe to tell me not to repeat it, or just remind me how things were. Funny how your mind never clearly tells you EXACTLY what it wants. Just gives you strange dreams about past things, strange urges to suddenly look at your dusty yearbook, or a name randomly pops up that you haven't heard in a decade.

I've had bizarre dreams about the old neighborhood, with all the kids that I used to go see and hang out with. Kids that I was friends with from the age of 4 well into senior year of high school. The moment I graduated from high school it was as if I were soooo eager to just let them fall away. Like they didn't matter to me any more. Just people who were there, eh they served a purpose now I gotta move on. Thanks to things like facebook I've been lucky enough to find some of those friends. But there are others that i'm like they are lost to me.

I looked at my yearbook, at first it was as a lark to show my fiance my silly ugly betty sophomore picture. Big glasses, braces, and all. Then I looked at all the signatures. Most were of the most generic ever. "you're cool never change! Have a great summer! See you next fall!" Love John Doe. But I had some moments where I had to hold back my tears. Like I missed these people who I haven't spoken to in over a decade. We were close once, inseparable in many cases. There were some surprises in there as well. Like the absence of certain people who didn't sign my book at all. I would scan all the pages, and I'm like...I was best friends with this person since junior high, and friends even until I went to college but no signature from them for the first two years of High school, that's sad. It made my heart ache. Then I saw a signature that made me both laugh hysterically out loud and bawl into tears at the same time. Because I totally lost touch of this person, and this person was a great friend to me, made my days fun, made the trips on the bus to and from school an adventure. I even had a lil crush on him, almost kissed him too sophomore year while we helped the french teacher clean out her classroom. He was a senior when he signed my book...so I never saw him and his omnipresent black leather jacket(even in summer weather).


Looking at the signatures and the people who said such nice things...Whether genuine or not touched my heart, considering the backgrounds of most of them. I was one of those people who really didn't belong to any one group or clique. I was friends with people who were basically the whole breakfast club. I saw everyone as equals in my book. If you were nice, funny, etc then I didn't care what you were outside of that. I didn't care you were poor, or that you were a "sped", a "techie", a jock, a brain or any of those things. I liked you for who you were inside.

To this day I'm only really close with probably 3 people from high school. Jen, Andrea, and Matt. But even that I really only speak with the girls on a semi regular basis. Now thanks to facebook I talk to some people every so often. It's hard though since I live in Florida and my hometown is in PA. So I guess even being close with the 2 people I am close with is miraculous.

I hope that maybe more and more people from the past come to light and I can reconnect. For now I just hope my mind is now appeased, so now I won't have funky dreams, or urges.

Dedicated to my "lost" friends: Aaron "cactus" Taylor, Mindy Pesky, and Erica Depesquale.

Alley's oops: an Intro

So where do I start? Once upon a time in a forest there lived a girl cha cha cha....oh no that's the goldilocks song my sister learned in preschool 30 yrs ago!

This isn't my first attempt at a blog. I've tried this a few times before. Previous attempts worked out really well in the past to just help me vent. It's just that i get to a point in my life and I just totally forget to check in. I'm not going to say...this time will be different! Because sadly I know something will happen and no more blog or blog limbo...

I am a thirty year old living in the land of the Big Cheese(Mickey Mouse). I am happily engaged to a fabulous man named Peter. I live with my mom to take care of her after she was hospitalized. As of right now I am gainfully Unemployed.

It seems as though this past year and into this year has been a bit of a downward hill of a roller coaster ride. I was diagnosed with Fibromylogia in November 2009. We were living in a mold infested duplex that the landlord didn't give a damn about. We were evicted from said house. Leaving us to bunk with a friend for a month. My mom is hospitalized, so luckily we had a new place to stay! I got a divorce from my abusive ex-husband. He promised he'd help financially until my mom got back on her feet for work. He since reneged on that promise...So I am financially in a super big bind. I was hospitalized for having a mini stroke brought upon by my body fighting a virus. Yeah that was not fun. Then my mom is rehospitalized, peter has a cancer scare. It's like ok enough is enough already.

There are some lights at the end of the tunnel. Some glimmers of hope. I have got in touch with a contact at Disney to work for them again. When you are let go for any reason at disney you are "Labeled" with a status. This is your rehire status. Some people have a total and complete NO rehire status, some might have a conditional rehire status (they can only work in certain locations under probation etc) and others have a positive rehire status where after 6 months you can come back to work.   First thing i had to do was find out when I actually left the company. I had gone seasonal with them, and in the middle of the summer I could no longer log into the system and then I get a letter asking why I left the company....I'm like I didn't.....I was able to find that it was June 2010. So if as of  dec/January I could safely start applying (in theory) if i had a positive
rehire.   I called our jobline/casting to find out whether they could figure that out...nope you have ask management....no you have to ask casting.....HUH???? So applied and wished. Not a word since December... So i moved on. I finally asked myself...who would have this info, and contacted that person. That person is on the hunt...but sadly I asked a few days before her spring break vacay. So I won't be able to  get that info until 4/4 when she comes back. (DOH!)

Did I mention my handsome fabulous fiance Peter? In all seriousness he is the greatest thing to happen. He was my knight in shining armor when I needed it most. (he still is!) He makes me laugh all the time. He cooks, and actually is very considerate very encouraging when I try to cook, So i actually cook more. I cook spaghetti and homemade meatballs, chili, cookies(all sorts!), got an egg i can scramble it, make an omlette, make in sunny side up, and hard boil it!

A year ago the eggs and the cookies were the only things that I ever really attempted. Was scared to because of my ex...because if i made it wrong he would yell and possibly throw things....sadly i'm being serious. I made the whole thanksgiving dinner ALL by myself a few years ago even though he promised to help with the rolls...and when i broke down into tears due to shear exhaustion of the whole thing he stormed out of the apartment not to return until the next day. And that was the first thanksgiving I ever made, and wanted it to be perfect...He had a habit of making my favorite holidays hell. He made me cry on my birthday. (that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me) He's out of my life! But my mom still loves him...even though she saw what he did and heard what he said to me.

So now i'm at a crossroads once again trying to figure out what step to take next. Hoping to hear some good news in the coming days. I will leave you all with that for now. Thank you and good luck!